


Day 9: Ugly Christmas Sweaters ft. Davekat

by Pippiuscattius



Series: Pippi's Holiday Shipping Challenge [9]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: 25 Day Holiday OTP Challenge, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Couch Cuddles, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, He is so insanely fun to write, Holiday Sweaters, I understand why Hussie made his pesterlogs so long now, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, Sweaters, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Ugly Sweaters, Why have I never written Dave before
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 10:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13005729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pippiuscattius/pseuds/Pippiuscattius
Summary: Hoping to spread the Christmas spirit on to his matesprit, Dave has alchemized some wonderfully ugly holiday sweaters for him and Karkat. Karkat does everything in his power to resist the affront to decent fashion.(Part of my 25 Day Holiday OTP challenge. Will feature multiple ships from multiple fandoms. These will all be quickly-written, silly drabbles so please don't judge them too harshly. UwU)





	Day 9: Ugly Christmas Sweaters ft. Davekat

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I'm pretty sure this is the most swearing I've ever written in a story before. I guess that's inevitable when you put both Dave and Karkat in a story together. Ah well. This is still set during the three year meteor journey and could be considered somewhat of a continuation from my last holiday drabble in this series, but this can be read without the other and still be easily understood.

“NO.”

“Yes.”

“ _NO._ ” 

“Hell yes.

“NOT IN A MILLION LIGHTYEARS, STRIDER.”

“Hell. Fucking. _Yes._ ”

Karkat would have to crack eventually. Dave just had to keep prodding at him until he caved. It was a strategy the coolkid had used to convince his boyfriend- or matesprit or whatever- to go along with his shenanigans numerous times in the past. He hadn’t spent an hour perfecting the alchemical codes for customized ugly Christmas sweaters only to have Karkat reject his festive offering.

“C’mon, Karkat,” Dave pressed. “Think of the children.”

“WHAT CHILDREN?” Karkat demanded, thrown off by Dave’s apparent change in subject.

“The poor little orphan children,” Dave explained, earning more confusion from Karkat. “The ones from the background of any given Lifetime Christmas flic that takes itself too seriously.”

Shaking his head and refusing to go along with Dave’s reference, Karkat interjected, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOME NONEXISTENT CHILDREN IN SOME EARTH MOVIE! I’M NOT WEARING IT!”

“Karkat, you’re making the nonexistent children cry,” Dave put on his best pleading voice. “Look at them, Karkat, look at their nonexistent tears. You can’t be this heartless, not on Christmas.”

Growling under his breath at the mention of that holiday, Karkat threw his hands up in exasperation. Ever since Rose had set out to spread earthen holiday cheer throughout the meteor, everyone had risen to the occasion to participate. While it was nice to have a change in routine aboard the meteor, it was the little things about the holiday that picked away at Karkat’s patience.

For example, basically everything Dave had done since Christmas started.

“Look at their tears, Vantas. _Look at them._ ”

“FINE, YOU ASS!” Karkat shouted in resignation, snatching the garish garment from Dave’s extended hands. “JUST DON’T EXPECT ME TO WEAR THIS ANY LONGER THAN I HAVE TO.”

“Long enough to snap a few pictures would be fine,” Dave reached into his pocket for his phone.

“NO PICTURES!” Karkat refused. “OR ELSE THE SWEATER STAYS OFF!”

Holding up his hands in surrender, Dave conceded, “Alright, no pictures. Guess I’m just gonna have to take a snapshot memory, then.”

Grumbling, Karkat held out the sweater to get a better look at it. It was green and covered in a pattern of ironed-on Christmas lights all around the sleeves and torso. On the front was a bright red crab with his symbol etched on the back of its shell.

In short, it was an abomination of stitchery.

But, with Dave watching him with an excited smirk, Karkat couldn’t back out of it now. Shutting his eyes and spitting out a few choice Alternian curse words, he positioned and pulled the sweater over his head. The neck got caught on his horns partway down, but he forced it over anyways, flinching when it popped into place.

Across from him, Dave was hiding laughter behind his palm, pulling up his ever-present shades to better take in the sight. Blushing from embarrassment, Karkat pulled up the sweater’s rim and hid his face behind it.

“No, dude, don’t take it off yet!” Dave objected, rushing over to pull it back down, revealing a red-faced Karkat underneath.

“I’M NOT,” Karkat grumbled. “I’M JUST…HIDING MY FACE. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE SEEN IN THIS.”

“Are you kidding?” Dave asked incredulously. “It actually looks really good on you. I’m no Rose or Kanaya, but I’d say I did a damn good job on alchemizing that sweater.”

Though he didn’t want to admit it, Karkat actually was enjoying the sweater just a little bit. Although the designs printed on it were horrid beyond repair, the material was soft and cuddly, holding him tight in a warm embrace. Truthfully, he didn’t want to take it off; not that he’d ever give Dave the satisfaction of knowing that.

“’Sides,” Dave continued, gesturing to his own sweater. “You’re not the only one in ugly holiday garb.”

Karkat had to admit, Dave’s sweater wasn’t much better. It had a single large pocket and was blinding red with a pixelated, low-quality Christmas tree stamped on the front. As far as Karkat could tell, it was supposed to be some ironic reference to his shitty webcomic from back when he was on earth.

“I SUPPOSE…IT COULD BE WORSE,” Karkat sighed out.

“Speaking of which…” Dave reached into his sweater’s pocket and rummaged around momentarily.

“OH, NO,” Karkat tried to put a stop to whatever Dave was planning before it could get started. “WHATEVER IT IS, YOU CAN KEEP IT.”

Dave grabbed ahold of whatever he had stowed away and pulled it out. It was a drooping, pointy green hat with a large golden bell attached to the tip that clanged with every slight movement.

“ _ABSOLUTELY NOT,_ ” Karkat refused outright, crossing his arms and looking away.

“Do you know how much back-breaking labor I put into this?” Dave chided. “Alchemizing hats isn’t a cakewalk.”

“NUH-UH. NOT PUTTING IT ON.”

“Karkat.”

The troll glanced back at him. “WHAT?”

“The children.”

“THAT’S NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME YOU SHITSTAIN,” Karkat adamantly countered. “GIVE UP NOW, STRIDER, IT’S NOT HAPPENING.”

“Look, man, I have an embarrassing hat too.” Dave pulled out a second hat from his pocket, this one pointed and red with white trim and a white ball of fluff on the tip. “I gotta look like the jolly fat man himself with this on.” He pulled it snugly over his head.

“THE WHO?” Karkat spun back around.

“You know, Mr. Claus. He breaks into your house through the chimney and leaves kids presents from his giant sack.”

“…MAYBE YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE DARKER THAN I GAVE THEM CREDIT FOR.”

Dave waved a hand. “Nah, Santa’s just a story anyways.” He faked a gasp and brought up an alarmed hand to cover his mouth. “Oops, nearly forgot, can’t say that in front of the children.”

“I’M STILL NOT WEARING THAT STUPID HAT!” Karkat resumed pouting, which was proving to be extremely ineffective as Dave thought he was absolutely adorable in that sweater.

“I put so much thought into this hat, you don’t even know,” Dave elaborated, looking over the garment in question. “It’s an elf hat, it’s perfect for you.”

“IT’S A WHAT?” Karkat immediately regretted his question, as Dave strode up and pointed to his ears.

“You’ve got elf ears,” Dave pointed out. “You’d play the role perfectly.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT AN ELF IS BUT I’M GOING TO TAKE BEING CALLED ONE AS AN OFFENSE.” Karkat brought up his hands to cover his ears, both so that Dave couldn’t make fun of them and so that he didn’t have to hear any more of his holiday dribble.

“Hey,” Dave pestered, speaking right into one of Karkat’s covered ears. “Hey, Karkat.”

“FUCK OFF, STRIDER. THERE ISN’T A SINGLE FORCE IN PARADOX SPACE THAT COULD MAKE ME PUT THAT HAT ON.”

“Even troll Will Smith?”

That made Karkat halfway uncover one of his ears. “DID…YOU SAY…?”

“Troll Will Smith? You bet your nubby horns I did.” Dave slung an arm over Karkat shoulder. “How about this. Let’s say I sit down and watch the entirety of the Thresh Prince of Bel-Air with you like you’ve been begging me to for weeks now.”

Something genuinely enthusiastic gleamed in Karkat’s eyes. “YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER.”

“Yeah, I changed my mind.” He held up a single finger. “ _But._ You have to put on this hat and wear it the whole time.”

Torn, Karkat’s eyes darted between Dave and the hat. Knowing that he couldn’t afford to pass up this opportunity, he spat, “OH, ALRIGHT! BUT WE’RE NOT LEAVING THE COUCH ‘TIL WE’VE WATCHED THE WHOLE SERIES.”

Dave shrugged. “Fine by me.” He put the hat on Karkat’s head with a jangle. “Let’s marathon this shit.”

By then too happy about getting to share his favorite show, Karkat hardly thought twice about the hat or the obnoxious jingling noises it made as he and Dave left for the couch and TV. They ended up cuddling about partway through the first episode and stayed that way for the rest of their marathon. That was how Karkat discovered that while Dave’s own sweater was undeniably shitty in every possible way, it was really comforting to nuzzle against.

The pair ended up falling asleep somewhere in the middle of the third season, peacefully curled together. Karkat drifted back to wakefulness at one point. Oddly enough, he was content to have woken up in his sweater, and even the hat had a bizarre novelty to it that he could appreciate in that moment. Pressing a kiss against a slumbering Dave’s forehead, he snuggled back up to him. Maybe he’d keep the sweater on for a bit longer than necessary after all…

_Thus ends the ninth day of Christmas._


End file.
